THE LOSER WINS

phew!
been on the move today
from dawn till dusk
hopping on and off local buses
in and out of identical bus stations
deciphering the same mad timetable boards
keeping in the shade
soaking up the aircon
down here on the south coast
any time between around ten and six
the heat is unbearable
the sun beats you relentlessly
i can feel it start to roast my epidermis
the moment i step out of the shade
not that i am complaining
i haven't seen much of the yellow fellow
since the accidental grilling i took at ggotchi beach
nothing but rain rain rain
i need a boost to my vitamin d levels...
rewind to five am
a lonely bus journey through the dawn fog
to the end of the peninsular near yosu
a steep climb up through the damp sea mist
to hyangilam hermitage
unfortunately the visibility of the sunrise is squat diddly
the early morning insect orchestra rudely interrupted
by the circular saw of the temple restoration ajossis
some you win and some you lose
i leave cholla province and cross over into kyungsan
tongyeong harbour is spectacular
especially viewed from my sixth-floor motel panorama
(i have treated myself to a little luxury this time)
also spectacular is the coast road
winding around the island of gojedo
linked to tongyeong by a bridge
i meet more friendly souls today
who want to help this eccentric foreigner
to find his way
some you lose and some you win

BANG!

six years in this country
and i ain't never been in one
until now
a pc bang that is
i heard lots of horror stories
about these smoky poky seedy airless joints
stuffed full of sad gaming addicts
sitting wide-eyed through their all-night sessions
then sleeping through the day
but as for the place i'm in
it can only be described as a positive paradise in comparison
for a start there's hardly a soul in here
most of the fifty terminals sit idle
the aircon is cool and breezy
drying up the sweltering humidity of the afternoon
the staff are friendly and obliging
and at 1000 won (60 pence) per hour
plus free chilled water
i certainly can't complain
there are a few gamers
but also a mum with a couple of kids in tow
all i'm lacking is a nice cool beer
to quench the nagging thirst
that follows you everywhere in sk in august...
earlier on the saemaueul deposits me
on the platform at yeosu station
(no katy x on this route)
a pretty five-hour ride
across the plains of kyeonggido
and through the lush mountainous terrain of chollado
i book into a place overlooking the harbour and namhae island
where hannah cavorted on the sand
a couple of summers ago when she was two
i hit the mean streets
the heat is oppressive
kind of tropical
the sun is out but a mist hangs over the mountains
sea salt in the air
giant leaves sprout from thick stems
vertiginous buildings are stacked up steep green hillsides
yeosu is a mini san fransisco
minus the trams and the yanks
it even has its own version of the golden gate
draped gracefully across the harbour mouth
the pace of the place is so languid after seoul
shopkeepers lounge lazily in the shade
half an eye out for a passing customer
myriad taeguk flags flutter in the hot breeze
i realise it is korean independence day
i do my mad dog englishman thing briefly
strolling down to the harbour prom
and along the sea front
i haven't brought my hat
i sweat my way into town
after about forty minutes
i am melting
time to duck inside a doorway
for the relief of the aircon and some dolsot bibimbap
it is four in the afternoon and i am the only one in there
the ajumma latches on to my minimal but positive comments
and refills my delicious side dishes generously
people are friendly and smiley down here
they seem to have time on their hands
instead of always racing against it
i strike up a conversation with a lady
up at the old wooden pavilion on the hill
she's got a 6-year-old boy who approaches me shyly
she starts off in decent english
but incredibly my efforts to communicate in korean somehow win over
and we finish our chat in english
a recent quantum leap has somehow taken place
suddenly i have developed the ability
to pick out the gist a little better
to assemble a sentence just that little bit more fluently
i guess i kind of got there in the end
just like i got to the pc bang...

RELOCATION

standing on the platform
(6:41)
waiting for my train...
well not quite
but almost
i am in an internet 'salon'(?)
in yongsan station
with half an hour to spare
before i board a train to the south coast...
the move was bad
just about as stressful as it could have been
up most of sunday night
trawling through a scary quantity of personal effects
stuff family fireseed has accumulated over the last six years
no sooner would a camera fit through the eye of a needle...
the shipping guys turn up at eight am
and get to work boxing things up
terrifying amounts of packaging arrive
reinforced cardboard boxes
packing tape
paper for wrapping the crockery
indestructible-looking tin cans for food items
felt-tip markers for describing the contents
'kit-ware'
among the chaos and the heat and the sweaty packers
mr jung the boss
stands unruffled
in his dapper clothes
holding his clipboard
and chatting politely in english
as the boxes pile up
mr jung itemises their contents on his inventory
asks me to write down their insurance value
i wrack my brains
i can't even think in pounds
let alone in dollars...
i'm just thinking
mrs f and i arrived in sk with six boxes
we leave with...eighty-three!
of course this time we are transporting a mini library
of h's books and a few toys
but i'm still scratching my head
wondering how on earth
we have acquired this ridiculous amount of stuff...
suddenly all hell lets loose
the blokey we've hired
to transport our suitcases and other things
to mum-in-law's house
is throwing a wobbly
there is a whole lot more stuff than he expected
and he is refusing to do it for the agreed price
he wants more cash
now mrs f is the one throwing a wobbly
van man tells her to sling a hook and find someone else
prepared to do it cheaper
he storms out
after a lengthy phone argument
and some frantic ringing round other van-hire companies
van man is back with a 'told you so' look on his face
muttering under his breath
his team start piling stuff
out of our fourth-floor window
onto a ladder platform
and down to his truck
suddenly there is a scream of pain
as mrs f catches her little finger in the door
she is in agony and in tears
as she heads off for the hospital
a startled hannah bursts into tears too
van man has had enough and bails out
telling mum to get in his van
for the trip across town to gaebong
that leaves me and our little t
alone in the house
with a load of unwanted furniture
that van man has just left behind
three frames removed from the balcony window
which weigh about half a ton
and a pile of heavy packing paper
that the packers seem to have forgotten
i go round the house with a dustpan n brush
i go down on my hands n knees and scrub for victory
i just wanna get out of here
hannah sobs for mummy
mrs f finally reappears with her pinky in a plaster splint
one of the neighbours helps us to lug the remaining stuff
down the stairs and outside
luckily she is willing to take most of it herself
we carelessly abandon a pile of rubbish bags and plastic
at the side of the road
like the bad neighbours who leave the garbage out on the wrong day
or just dump it
a taxi ride at snail's pace
through the monday evening rush-hour traffic
deposits us grimy but intact at mum-in-law's place
oh i have never slept so soundly, my seeds...

LEAVING

leaving
bleeding
abdicating
moving on
fresh fields
and pastures new
excitement
disconnection and loss
released from the womb
that nurtured
and inhibited
out of captivity
and into the wild
familiarity breeds contempt
the grass is always greener
on the other side of the fenestration
a fixture made impermanent
a part of the furniture abruptly replaced
six years
1272 days
time to reflect
the ups and downs
the highs and lows
the victories and the defeats
the successes and the failures
the friendships built
the emnities created
memory fragments splinter away
the times i enraged
the times i connected
mostly the slow, the attritional
two steps forward, one step back
treading on toes
clutching at fruit
one by one
two by two
three by three
prepping
preaching
formulating
coordinating
managing
mismanaging
coping and moping
negotiations
mediations
mediatations
cogitations
good karma
bad karma
keep calm...er
losing it!
window pews
mountain views
misty mornings
blazing sunsets
crack of dawns
long afternoons
late evenings
all thru the nights
seas of blank faces
board races
change of paces
basket cases
plans and observations
reviews and evaluations
tcmaps
sostacs
minor crises
heart attacks
emails
emails
emails
still more emails
h & s
css
vips
mps
hiss...
crackle
over...
and out

STUCK NEEDLE

if we could see the shadows the littlest things cast...
the rain brings blessed relief
pelting down on this beseiged city
in tracing paper sheets
washing off a thick layer
of sweat and dust and grime
from the grey concrete epidermis
when the rain comes
they run and hide their heads
they might as well be dead
i am almost alone
in this soaring absorbing
anonymous cacophanous
metropolis
semi-sheltered
by the gently dripping boughs
and supple bending leaves
of the arboreal canopy
the lush foliage
that defiantly braves
this choking urban air
i am not entirely devoid of human company
the occasional faceless umbrella scurries past
on its way to a date
with one of those stupid umbrella condom dispensers
that now proliferate so freely
among the security-guarded lobbies
of our kind corporate benefactors
however i am overpoweringly outnumbered
by an army of winged antenna-waving six-legged friends
an ear-needling 'mem-mmemm-MMEMM-MMMEMMM' vibrates incessantly
from above my ahead
like a one-instrument celestial orchestra
stuck on a buzzy note
the koreans call them 'memi's
which i guess is onomatopaeic
oh yeah
the cicadas are out in force these days
whatever the weather
come rain come shine
ear-piercing in volume they may be
but not so obvious to the naked eye
not because of their size
(hey these dino-sized macro-insect babies
cut those flitty lightweight dragonfly pretenders
right down to size!)
no these big fat buggies
are cunningly camouflaged
the precise same colour as the tree bark
but when i stick my nose
right up close to the rough dark elephant skin
and crane my neck upwards
all i can see is hundreds of these bug-eyed monsters
as big as your thumb
clinging stubbornly to the tree trunk
fiddling on their one-note symphony
while seoul burns
or sweats
or soaks
but don't get me wrong
i love this tropical jungle sound
so exotic
so sensual
so un-english
and it sure beats
the lonely alienating downtown traffic roar

ARTIFICE

seoul cooks
the city streets sway and throb in the heat
pedestrians sizzle like sausages in a pan
huge fat-bodied dragonflies hover lazily above the scene
surveying the pavements
beside the eight-lane traffic blur
dino-insects in an alien landscape
this is a positive sign
of nature not yielding
to the suffocating encroachment of man's artifice
they will be here
long after all this concrete
after all these poison-spewing machines
have been reclaimed by mother earth
and what of the humans
who consider themselves so clever
but have become a race of icaruses?
oh the wax is melting, my seeds
and the sun is burning
can daedelus find a better way
of harnessing his inventions
or will he let his beloved son
plummet to the earth?

MAGIC MOUNTAIN #2

i have hated this stuff for the six last years
but as i raise my elbow
tilt back the guilty aluminium can of 'hite fresh'
(pronounced 'haitu preshy' in korea)
and feel the ice-cold bubbly fluid
course down my throat
i get a very fleeting sense of mini-nirvana...
i sit under an obselete but intimate sun umbrella
outside a ubiquitous 'family mart' convenience store
(pronounced 'pemilly martu')
in a lamplit evening street in kwacheon
near the foot of the magic mountain
quenching my thirst on the devil's drink
full of non-vegan GM-derived
additives, preservatives and whatnots
which i should not be touching with a proverbial bargepole
but nobody is perfect all the time
least of all your humble fireseed
half conscientious everyman, half idle layabout
half dr jeckyll, half mr hyde
half loving family man, half prickly loner
half team player, half outsider
half sinner, half saint
(does that make me a tin of paint?)...
at half past two in the arvo
with the rest of the pemilly out visiting one of h's pals
i momentarily tear myself away from mixing 'elephant'
and through my bedroom window spy the magic mountain
suddenly emerging in miraculous clarity
from the clammy summer mists that have engulfed it for weeks
an hour or so later and i am striding up a rocky path
in the old faithful walking boots
i bought in boringmouth 10 years ago
around the time i threw off the shackles of animal flesh
the plentiful recent rains have replenished the stream
and the water cascades over the rocks
roaring through the narrow crevices
an amazing thing happens almost as soon as i hit the trail
suddenly ideas are coursing through my cerebral circuits & synapses
making my brain burn
its fuse set to blow
i have to stop and scribble all this stuff down in my notebook
it is as if i have taken a powerful mind-enhancing drug
which i guess i have
hormones and chemicals which have lain dormant
through my horrendously sedentary existence of the last few weeks
are abruptly being fired around my body
fireworks in my cortex
catherine wheels in my cerebellum...
as the mists slowly begin to descend once again
your sweaty fireseed reaches yeonjuam temple sanctuary
just below the summit of the magic mountain
home to the spectacular snake-armed golden buddha
housed in a beautiful prayer hall
in the garden below there are tropical orchids
and other flowers with beautiful wine red-yellow petals
incense and the murmur of distant chanting
fill the rejuvenating air
as i gaze out over the valley i have just climbed
cloaked in deep green forest
i get chatting to a couple of american dudes from LA
the dark swarthy one proudly displays a mane of chest hair
that your average korean guy would have to buy in a shop
and sports a gold star of david medallion
no confusion about where his family hails from
the bespectacled fellow is a gregarious 'private hagwon' teacher
up from busan for the weekend
he tells me the republicans don't have much chance of being reelected
i decide not to explore that avenue
and simply nod and smile affably
twenty minutes from the top
and the mist closes in ever more tightly
we respect the mountain and turn back
leaving behind the fragrant pines and rushing water
for the everyday mundanity of kwacheon city
its legoland apartment blocks
and its man-made sterility

AT THE CROSSROADS

i stand alone at the crossroads
in gwanghwamun
in the heart of seoul
the spiritual centre
where the japanese futilely erected their monstrous carbuncle
to crush the korean spirit
only for it to be demolished
all around me
the mad rush-hour crush is in full swing
choked traffic arteries
stretch away in all four directions
passers-by buffet me carelessly
i am the invisble man
they knock me sideways
send me staggering like a drunkard
i crane my neck upwards
i am on a merry-go-round
tall buildings and hazy mountains
spin around and around
the giant but silent video screens
blur into psychedelic colours
my nostrils are filled
with a petroleum-sewer cocktail
i am sober
but i feel drugged
who added something to my glass
when my head was turned?

STICKY SICKY

this blog carries a public health warning
your seedish boy is in a bad way
fireseed coming down with every ailment
under the proverbial bright yellow disc
feeling more like 99 than 39
as if the teeth
and the sunburn
and the conjuctivitis
and the mysterious swollen ankles
and the insomnia
were not enough
now i can add two more little afflictions to the list
#1 non-smoker's cough and croak
#2 stabbing back pains
now i been stabbed in the back before
but only metaphorically speaking
but what with my lanky frame
which is ergonomically so ill-suited
to the physical world it inhabits
i've always had a worry at the back of my mind
if you'll pardon the pun
(or did ya miss it?)
that one day my back will just seize up
suddenly
like has happened to a few people i know
and leave me bed-ridden and crippled
well i don't wish to exaggerate
or unduly worry any of you fellow blog brethren
out there on the cyber ether
but it sure as hell gives me a scare yes-a-day
when my hacking cough
suddenly sends a couple of electric shocks down my spine
like i just stepped on a sting-ray
anyway i swallow my pride and take a sicky
sit at home and sweat it out
in the relentless humidity
of end-of-july sk
i've experienced worse though, seeds
once in darwin
in the northern territories of oz
i take a shower
i dry myself down
a few minutes later
and i am sitting in a pool of my own juice again
oh man!
truly unbearable for a pale-skinned pom like me
now come on fightseed old chap
things ain't quite that bad in seoul, are they?
back soon...
(hopefully with better puns!)

NEARLY MAN

hi
tis me
the usual half-assed apologies for lack of blogs
i been busy
but i am nearly there
nearly done
nearly home and dry
it is all nearly in the can
one year
eleven songs
fifty minutes
a whole lotta love and graft
writing
arranging
recording
overdubbing
patching in effects
mixing
doing the artwork
designing the t
a true labour of love and hate
today i am redoing the song i lost irretrievably
when the old computer crashed
of course it had to be
'hero with a thousand faces'
the longest, most complex arrangement
on the whole damn record
ain't that just the way the cookie crumbles?
just a few laps of overdubs to go now
some strummed acoustic guitars
an echoey solo to melt your pain
at the end of a dark, frustrating day
nearing the finishing line
the end is in sight
oh i can't wait for you to hear it!

HANNAH VERSARY

so sorry for neglecting ya!
been working every hour buddha sends
to finish the album
to tie up various loose ends...
eight years ago today
mrs f and i exchanged our vows
made promises
to love
to honour
and eat cherries with each other
we ain't done a bad job i guess
miami vice came to poole harbour that day
a blistering hot july afternoon
sunglasses and waistcoats on the quay
everyone larking around and posing in front of the yachts
of course at that time
little hannah e was not even a proverbial glint
in her daddy's eye
h and her mum are going to the zoo tomorrow
'd'you think you might see a dinosaur there?'
i ask h before she goes to bed
'i hope so' she replies straight-faced

SUMMER IN THE CITY

summer in the city
hot july turns seoul into a greenhouse
enclosed by an invisible glass dome
the trapped heat melts the street
jogging along the humid pavements
late for a meeting i've arranged
i take deep breaths
inhale the smell of sweat, grime and perfume
everywhere i look
smooth legs and bare shoulders
compete for attention
my mp3 is turned right up to 32
to combat the eight-lane traffic roar
but still comes off second best...
my body continues to fall apart
the eyes are better
but the ankles have swollen like a pregnant lady's
the skin continues to peel and itch
despite regular applications of hello vera
i got insomnia these days
too many things on my mind
too much stuff up in the air
too many uncertainties
but hey!
a little uncertainty is a good thing
right?
right!
keep on keeping on, seeds
f
x

SUBLIME

from the ridiculous to the sublime
it is a saturday morning in mid july
the weather is sublime
the mountains up close and personal
whimsical cirrus clouds
stretch across a deep blue background
today i am dining with the devil
we sit inside a steel and glass death machine
trapped in a long queue of other steel and glass boxes
all attempting unsuccessfully
to escape the greedy clutches of seoul
but undeterred by the interminably slow progress
we head patiently south-west
along the cruelly misnamed seohaean expressway
passing rice fields
and forested hills
of over-saturated green
stunning fleecy cloud sky canvases
finally we escape the motorway
for the minor roads
and after several wrong turnings
we are walking up a rocky path to gaesimsa temple
cushioned with soft fallen pine needles
a narrow wooden beam carries us
across a pond stocked with carp
at the top of a flight of stone steps
we find a temple courtyard
enclosed by hansel and gretel curved wooden buildings
in the centre of the clearing
a mediaeval multi-tiered stone pagoda
is silhouetted against a magnificent azure sky
dappled with grey-white cloudlets

a few footsteps from the courtyard
in a tiny side temple
an exotic red carpet spreads
across the solid wooden floor
before a prayer mat, a gong and a jug
the gold boddhisatva gazes serenely over my head
out through the open door
and away over the mountains
his thumbs clasped to his middle fingers
in mediatation pose
who knows what state of consciousness he has reached...
it is six am on a sunday morning
i stand alone
atop the stone fortress wall of haemi-up
watching the sun rise over the hillside
while my travel companions sleep on in our motel
swallows skim
dragonflies hover
butterflies flit
i stand in the sunlight
then circumnavigate the wall
scatting along to demo tracks
uploaded onto my mp3

we hit the road again
unimpeded by traffic this time
bound for the tranquil valley of sorunsan
mrs f and i go for a short hike
leaving h to cat-nap with our weekend chauffeur
a steady climb up a rocky path
leads us to nakjodae
a rocky granite outcrop just made for scrambling
from this vantage point
south korea stretches away in every direction
in all its glory
the glinting sea to the west
the timeless peaks all around
on the way back
we hold hands
talk of future plans
drink delicious sweet raspberry juice
this day will not come again...

MAGIC MOUNTAIN

bright summer morning
so early i rise
up on the rooftop
candifloss clouds floating by
arrogant buildings
reach out their fingers to touch the sky
chaotic city
stretching away to the riverside
but behold magic mountain
oh magic mountain

HITCH

the driver makes brief eye contact
but the blue blur whizzes past all the same
i'm already scanning the road for the next vehicle
when suddenly i realise the blue blur has pulled up for me
i scamper along the road after him
afraid he'll change his mind
'where're you heading, mate?'
people who pick up hitchhikers
tend to be a bit different from the crowd
confident
self-assured
usually male
though not always
often surprisingly taciturn
though occasionally gregarious and chatty
i've started playing this little game
just for fun
supplying sometimes outrageous spontaneous fibs
to drivers' eager questions
seeing if i can keep up the facade
after all, why restrict yourself to the truth
when fantasy is so much more interesting?
d1: are you married?
h: er...actually i'm gay!
d1: oh i'm terribly sorry!
d2: so how did you meet your wife?
h: on the london underground
she was struggling with a heavy suitcase
at the bottom of a flight of steps
and i offered to carry it up to the top for her
d2:how gallant!
d3: any children?
h: twins
well, triplets, actually
but one of them died in childbirth...
d3: oh...erm...i didn't mean to pry!
i've only been rumbled the once
by an astute guy who baulked at the suggestion
that i might be a tv weatherman
my thin awareness of all things meteorogical
lay cruelly exposed
so it was that i was rumbled
by this travelling sales rep
who clearly knew far more
about the subject of climate and weather
than this supposed meteorology graduate ever did!
yours
fibseed