OFF THE HOOK

evenin' all
in case you didn't know
your humble seede doth belong
to a diminishing band of brethren
those without 'handpone'
as they call it in s korea
cell phone
mobile
irritating beeping gadget
whatever you wanna call it
i am in this indian restaurant where we have to wait for a table
and they ask for my mobile number to give us a ring
'i ain't got no handpone', says your fave seed
'no handpone?!' comes the shocked response...
guess you already cottoned on old fireseed's basic creed
your fave blogger's penchant for doing the opposite to what everyone else's is doing
f-seed's little attempt - however unambitious and unimaginative -
to break out of the crushing conformity
that straitjacketed me as a little seed
and still straitjackets me now
the 'successful compliance'
that dictates the society of big seeds
that squeezes the spontaneity and creativity out of kids
how about a few examples of the fireseed creed
calmly crossing the road with the man on red
in full gaze of a gaggle of shocked pedestrians staring into the middle distance
giving them the permission to dare to be different
taking the staircase to work off some calories
overtakingthe hi-cal crowd clogging up the upwards escalator
giving the tired old elevator a break
leaving the paisley shirt hanging out
instead of tucking it in
letting it all hang out
'hey - nice pyjamas, fireseed!'...
why then doth this trendy little piece of hardware irritate me so?
this innocuous piece of gadgetry that we all did without until recently?
how do i survive without this machine glued permanently to left ear?
what's the big objection, fireseed?
well, maybe it's the fact that nobody in this country seems to read anything
not unless it's a text massage, that is
not likely to be a great piece of literature in that case, is it?
or anything of great substance?
or maybe it's the non-stop tapping of said massage
the cheesy ringtones constantly invading my aural space
with a nasty MIDI version of johanne sebastian bark
ratcheting up the levels of noise pollution
in this cacophanous metropolis
or maybe it's just the mindless chitter-chatter
'i'm on the bus'
'just passing shinchon'
'where are you?'
'what are you doing?'
do i wanna be on call 24/7?
my boss ringing me up in the pub
being assailed by cold-call advertising
in my most private of momentos descuidados
(no, i sincerely do not)
a handpone ensures no commitment
ring to say you're on your way
ring to say you'll be a little late
ring to change the rendezvous point
ring to say that you can't make it after all
you've had a change of plan
you're not feeling too great
you're going home
in a cafe
a group of friends is sat at the same table
each talking to someone different on their mobiles
man, these people losing the F2F connection
conversations and thought processes constantly in...ter...rup...ted
concentration spans shrinking to zero
till it becomes an addiction - gotta check if i've received a massage
in the last two mins
since i last looked
(email can be like this too, my seedlings, as i know only too well
but at least it's a tad more difficult
to carry a whole computer with you on the bus!)
fireseed is forgetting the planned obselescence
last year's pone can take an instant piccy to send to ya gurlfriend
this year's pony got a cool swivel screen a whole 33% bigger than y'old one
next year's pony'll make a cup o' tea for ya
the environmental damage caused by the limited shelf-life
i dread to think about what it's doing to pristine lands
the consumer treadmill
work more
to consume more
the old hamster wheel
the health risks
the low wavelength radiation
the brain tumours
the dodgy transmission masts
built on the roofs of kiddies' schools, would ya believe!
now fireseed sure ain't no technophobe
but now you know what NOT to buy him for chrissy
that is if you were intending to buy anything at all!
clunk!
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!
(fireseed hangs up and line goes dead)