DREAMCHILD

hannah elisabeth
oh dreamchild in my head
loved more than you can imagine
tiny diamond
little wax egg
tiny glow-worm shining in the dark
heavenly angel
precious gift of god
can i ever forget the day we finally met?
when the nurse raised you high
kicking and hollering
a slippery pink worm
choking as the first gasps of air filled your tiny lungs
how can i describe the first time i held you in my arms
my first-born dreamchild
when time contracted and stood still
wrapped up in a blanket
you blinked and squinted into the light
taking in your bright shiny new world
i watch again in awe
as your little lips greedily suck up your mother's milk
i turn the hourglass upside-down
and picture you lying on your back
determinedly trying to roll over onto your tummy
time and time again
i will you to succeed
until one day you do it
i turn the hourglass upside-down once again
now i grimace at the dog ears you are inflicting on my library
as you stand at the bookcase
pulling books one by one from the shelves
we clap as you totter forward unassisted for the first time
like in some old testament miracle
i marvel at your first words
your first 'i love you daddy'
your first song
which i commit to tape
for the song i wrote in your honour
the hour-glass keeps turning
more and more quickly
the sand accelerating through the narrow aperture
now you take the different tenses
the grammar and the lexis
in your stride
though english is not your first language
oh adored daughter of mine
you are a child of two races spanning the globe
the yang of the east meeting the yin of the west
i often think you look like neither of your parents
though your features seem more western than eastern to me
then i will watch you sleeping
and suddenly see your mum
or momentarily catch myself in the mirror
and see you staring back at me like a ghost
i know our relationship can be fractious
sometimes you hate it when i tease you
i get annoyed when you litter the floor with debris
we have never managed to develop the close bond
that you have with your mother
often i disappear for long days
from dawn to dusk
or i abandon you
to selfishly fly off to some unimagined foreign location
but dreamchild
remember that you are always in my thoughts
and that i will always be here for you