CRY FOWL

aw!
lass a night
saw something that made me feel sick to the core
i get home late from lemmington spar
a 'climate champions' event
run by an orgy called action 21
for peeps who wanna communicate the message better
the key message of our times
the message that says:
stop n think about what yer doing
before it's too late!
a diverse bunch there
some positive n very well-meaning folks
who wanna do their bit
but not sure quite how to go about it
so i get back at midnight
and cook up a plate of food
cos i missed my din-dins what with all the travel malarkey
and i do what i don't normally do
which is collapse onto sofa in front of telly
as a rule i don't allow myself this dubious pleasure
cos digital tv and remote control is a deadly combination
that guarantees gratuitous late-nite channel-surfing
i catch the blair years
where a damp-eyed tony gushes for the camera
about 'doing what was right'
(like murdering iraqi civilians for instance)
there's robert n jimmy strutting their sequinned stuff
at madison square garden
in song remains the same
led zep at their zenith in the early seventies
followed by a docu about rod and britt on tour in 1976
this one's an interesting period piece
rod comes across as quite a sweet likeable fella
not at all the impetuous rock adonis
anyways
i finally alight on a prog called jamie's fowl dinners
where mr oliver the tv chef
takes the supers to task
for selling the public a chicken diet
consisting of 95% battery-farmed broilers
doped up on antibiotics n bred to fatten up unnaturally fast
of course jamie's gotta be careful cos he's in the pay of stainsberries
so he's quite tactful when he asks the difficult questions
most of the supers just reply by letter
'we are committed to giving our customers the widest choice possible
our food complies to the highest safety standards
blah blah blah'
in between film clips
jamie is in the tv studios talking to an invited party of brite young things
sitting around fancy tables
like at a wedding
then suddenly we see jamie all garbed up in a slaughterman's outfit
and right there in front of all the byts
he grabs a chicken
hangs it upside down from a hook
applies an electrical stun gun to the poor creature's neck
and produces a stanley knife
which he inserts through the chicken's mouth
cutting its throat
and leaving its blood dripping out of its open beak
cut to shots of the audience momentarily recoiling in horror
as jamie talks about respect for animals n 'humane killing'
how he wants to show it like it is
and proudly brandishes his slaughterman's licence
then suddenly hey presto!
jamie has switched back into his regular togs
and launches into his cheerful cooking routine
wrapping breast fillets in bacon
tossing in rosemary n olives
lubbly jubbly
etcetera etcetera
it turns out that he's cooking up three types of chicken dish
for the audience who's just witnessed the slaughter
battery broiler birds
free range birds
and organic birds
like some sort of revolting pepsi challenge
the diners tuck in
fill their bellies with the dead carcasses
cheerfully commenting on the respective meat flavours
and seemingly immune to what they have just witnessed
i dunno
perhaps it'll make some of them think
perhaps it'll make some viewers think
but all it makes for a cold callous cheerless spectacle