IN DISCIPLINE

excellence isn't a skill

it's a habit

i am a disciple
a believer
the question is
who or what am i following?
whoever he or she or it is
they must be disappointed
at this wayward acolyte
so lacking in discipline
but what is this multi-faceted concept?
habit
routine
rules
regulations

boundaries

limits
restraint
rigidity
control
humility
self-sacrifice
preparation
planning
enforcement
reinforcement
order in disorder
sense among nonsense
a framework
a pattern...
and what of its opposite?
indiscipline
freedom
impulse
spontaneity
intuition
flexibility
unreliability
disorder
waywardness
idleness
sloth
rebellion...
discipline should be liberating
not stifling
like a martial art
transendental
like yoga
yet to achieve that
it must be in equilibrium with its opposite
the yin and its yang
like being a parent
absolute freedom spoils the child
but so does absolute authoritariansim
which leaves freedom within limits
(sounds like a good title for a parenting book)
knowing when to say yes
and when to say no
walking a narrow tightrope on the highwire
always in danger of losing balance
and falling to one side or the other
too much yin and not enough yang
too many rules
not enough freedom
too much spontaneity
not enough planning
and we topple off the wire...
it seems to me
the art of living is searching for and finding that equilibrium
that magical combination of discipline and indiscipline
control and freedom
but how does that combination work?
does the discipline need to come first
to allow the indiscipline to be constructive?
for example a musician needs discipline
to play his instrument
to know how to pluck the string of a guitar with one hand
how to fret it with the other
he learns to tune the instrument
to play single notes
scales
chords
picking patterns
strumming rhythms
can all this be done by intuition?
doesn't one need to learn the rules before breaking them?
didn't jimi n django n eddie van halen do their time
practising their scales
until their fingers could tear up and down the fretboard
like greased lightening?
i dunno...
feel like i'm losing the battle with discipline at the moment
feel like indiscipline is getting the upper hand
fireseed struggling to keep the balancing act going
fighting to keep all the dishes airborne
breaking quite a few on the floor in fact...
the discipline of rising and sleeping
yoga and meditation
eating and drinking
body and mind
work and leisure
writing and music
accident and design
parent and husband
son and brother
others and self
the me-time
the he-time n the she-time

acting and resting

behaving and misbehaving...
but i'm trying
i got my five-year plan
just like mao
i got my twelve-month goal
my short-term objectives for the next month
my activities planned for the week
hey - this little lot takes up two sides of a4!
i update it every day or two
some of it gets done
some of it remains undone
cos i veer off at a tangent
or something comes along to upset the applecart
to redefine the priorities
i am a disciple
a follower and a leader
a hider and a seeker
a winner and a loser
a tightrope-walker
a talker
a stalker
a hedonist
an ascetic
a plodder
and yer favourite blogger...