STALLING

so how did the glowing debut go?
what glowing debut?
d'ya mean brum climate fest?
that's right
that 'unofficial launch'
the one you been blabbering on about for weeks
i dunno - ok i guess
you dunno?
what d'you mean you dunno?
come on chief - spill dem beans!
well i guess it coulda been better...
and it coulda been worse
how so?
well it almost didn't happen at all
this morning
at the crack of dawn
after a few miserable hours of tossing n turning
we load up john's jalopy with all my paraphenalia
little bro turns the ignition key and...
you guessed it already
the car doesn't start!
after a couple of tries
there's nothing for it but to get out and push
a mighty heave clears the car over the lip of the drive
sending the blood coursing through my veins
luckily we're on top of a hill
and the momentum kickstarts the engine
despite the drama
we're one of the first to arrive
breaking the habit of a lifetime
we set up in a small marquee
opposite a kids' funfair
before j heads off
he casts his eye over the stall
advising about where to put stuff
the banner-lilies-wine triple whammy looks good
it's quiet so i chat to some fellow stallholders
networking while i can
leaf logs
sustrans
groundwork
sustainable moseley
eastside
the bham foe lot...
eventually people start to trickle in
but from the opposite direction to the one i expected
so they tend to look down at the table
see a 'drop-in surgery' sign-up form
be none the wiser
and only grok the banner on their way to the next stall
the stalls either side have lots of freebies to give away
which goes down well with the punters
most of whom drift past ignoring me
i'm tired and a bit apprehensive
i don't know where to stand, what to do with my hands
or exactly how to start the conversation
how do you engage people without scaring em off?
i suddenly realise i've got three factsheets on display
but no product fliers
doh! get with the programme fireseed!
the climate quiz sparks some interest
but i only get two people in the chair all day
an albanian immigrant who sadly explains his wife's pts
while his bored children chivvy him
and a polite japanese lady
who wants to know if she should handwash or dishwash
a very high proportion of punters are non-native speakers
in fact it's like having a stall at heathrow airport
the day finishes on a low note
a pakistani bloke i can hardly understand
asks me how i measure energy use
he's on about technical stuff
u-values and combined energy consumption meters
i explain i analyse energy bills and look for potential savings
'call yourself an expert' he snorts disdainfully
shuffling off to the next stall
ah get off my case!
time to pack up
shame the lady from the evening mail didn't show
the knockbacks!
who welcomes em?
but they're probably the most useful feedback of all
i may not have rustled up any business
but i'm slowly sussing out the public psyche
joining up the dots
fitting another piece into the puzzle

IN THE WEE SMALL HOURS

back in second city suburbia
after a long day at the wheel
ah yes
we rolled regretfully home
from the ruggedly serrated pembrokeshire coast
over the gently undulating landscape
of cymru and the borderlands
in our diddy ford okay aye
piled high with luggage
listening over n over again
to hannah's silly song cd...
now it is the wee small hours
and everyone but me is in the land of nod
in a few short hours
i shall be setting out my stall in centenary square
in readiness for the climate change festival
i will unfurl my banner
printed for me on unbleached cotton
by the good people of greenhouse graphics
i will adorn the table with a vase of white lilies
intoxicatingly fragrant
i will proffer glasses of organic shiraz grenache
a deliciously fruity red from the rhone
i will play mellow sounds
courtesy of penguin cafe orchestra
at the back of the marquee
i will set up a little advice surgery
i will regale festival goers with invitations to my stall
i will field questions
i will make notes
i will enquire
i will challenge
i will convince
i will persuade
i will no doubt bluff a little
i will hawk for business
i will fish for leads
i will steak my claim

SCATTERING SEED

long time no seed
your fave blogger head down
in busy preparation
for brum climate change festival
where the master plan will be foisted
on an unsuspecting world
(will they dig it?)
tomorrow set off on holiday with seedlings
to the wilds of south wales
to the black mountains
the brecon beacons
and the pembrokeshire coast
will look out for signs of internet facilities
while we're away
and try to send you all a posty or two
but please don't hold your breasts
love
f

REGENERATION

my ears bleed
assaulted by facts
procedures
tips
arguments
recommendations
dismissals
suppositions
insights
warnings
claims
and counter-claims
i am a timid child
unsure of myself
among these confident grown-ups
impressive knowers
confident talkers
amazing seers and doers
brash actors in the big world out there
achieving things that i never dreamt of
while all the time
i was playing with my toys...
today i see the city i grew up in through new eyes
a living testament to the art of place-making
our tour starts to the east
where the redbrick victoriana of the co-operative bakery
stands in ruins among piles of rubble
shrunken in scale
we struggle across a giant windblown plaza
that fronts the enormous shed of the think tank
on a quite different scale
rosie's place is boarded up
victim of a compulsory purchase order
in the name of inner-city regeneration
on up the hill
moor street station has been beautifully restored
to its edwardian pomp
except that only two of its six platforms are functional
we slide around the shiny blue flank of selfridges
up into bull ring limited
where security will move you on
if you dare to aspire to anything other than shopping
the cars have been banished from new street these days
allowing pedestrians to crane their necks above the shopfronts
to the victorian grandeur of the city buildings
counterbalanced by the post-modern foolery
of the floozy in the jacuzzi at the end of the street
across chamberlain square is the city library
where prince charles thought books should be incinerated
rather than read
mothers with prams no longer have to tunnel
to cross paradise circus
instead a bridge funnels us into centenary square
and on to brindley place and the restored canal
brummagem still has a terrible press
a terrible accent
and terrible transport hubs
but the rough
comes with the smooth

PARTY POOPER

hannah's fifth birthday
our little peach's special day
we spend all day preparing a party
for seven little four n five-year-olds
sorting out the house
getting the food and drink ready
sussing the party games
the little darlings descend on the fireseed res
some things work and others don't
my home-made lemonade is gulped down happily
the early strawberries disappear in an instant
the kids love the treasure hunt for little stickers
pass the parcel and musical bumps get the thumbs up
but pin the tail on the donkey leaves some of them restless
and blind man's buff gets too silly
at one point it all dissolves into complete chaos
a rugby scrum of little arms and legs
kicking and screaming
rolling around on the floor
hitting each other with balloons on sticks
but the children have a great time
they all love having their faces painted
and hannah looks pleased as punch...
kids' birthdays
a microcosm of society
attended by excessive consumption
lots of beeping plastic toys from china
wrapped in layers of packaging
last year in sk
it nearly made me weep
this year not quite so bad
at least some restraint was shown...
as the party draws to a close
i speed off on my trusty steed
into the damp early evening
to power up!
a training weekend
on how campaigners can make use of the planning system
a few miles away
in an old gothic victorian house
set in beautiful grounds
with carved columns and balustrades of dark wood
i'm suddenly transported to another age
and a mock planning hearing
afterwards i head to the bar
to drink flowers bitter
and tell a bunch of strangers from around the country
how i was once befriended by a naked policeman...

PROMOTION

been working hard all week
on promotional stuff for a stall i got lined up
a berth at brum climate change festival
climate change festival?
yeah you heard it right:
a nine-day second-city extravaganza
a search for positive solutions
to the malaise we're in...
for my stall
i've designed a giant display panel
two metres high
a logo
lettering
a strapline
a sales pitch:
save £££
help the planet
live better!
some (hopefully) interesting facts about CO2
(can CO2 be interesting?)
some photos of polar bears
organic food
yours truly
a striking visual hook
to prick the curiosity of potential punters
to attract them over to find out more
then
once i've reeled them in
a quiz to keep them engaged
and a free drop-in surgery
dontcha know
like at design exhibitions
where i will hold court
(tee hee!)
and convince the punters of the benefits
of taking me on as a consultant...
ah i dunno
it's uncharted territory this business malarkey
we'll see how it goes
they may love it
and they may well hate it
the proof as they say will be in the vegan pudding...
tomorrow is a special day
my little girl's fifth birthday
h is having some friends round for a party
and i'll be games mc:
no modern shenannigans
i'm a sucker for the old chestnuts
treasure hunt
pin the tail on the donkey
musical bumps
pass the parcel
blind man's buff
they'll love it!
goodnight and adieu

TENSE - RELAX

dawn
outside on the patio it is cool and bracing
breezes tumble and gust around the flagstones
an orange sun peers gingerly through the trees
fat pigeons flutter
a male blackbird alights
glancing suspiciously from side to side
eyeing this intruder unsurely
as he unfurls his navy blue mat
the intruder begins his routine
seated cross-legged on the mat
his sinews and tenons engage
his joints and muscles commence battle
his mind tries to calm his myriad thoughts
to concentrate only on his breathing
still focusing
he stretches out his legs and rotates his feet
tense - relax
tense - relax
now he points his feet straight forward
tensing and relaxing first the left and then the right
he folds his foot across his knee
and rotates the ankle with his hand
curls the toes back one by one
pummels the sole of the foot
pulls his knee up to his chest and holds it there
ah! a pleasing tension in his buttock muscle
slowly the stiffness in his body is melting away
his thoughts are steadily calming
his mind is emptying
his wayward concentration is applying itself
his indiscipline is being reined in
now he leans back on his hands and rotates his head
first clockwise then anti-clockwise
slow wide circles that loosen the neck muscles
he rotates his arms in wide arcs
then twists his waist to the left and the right
each part of the body in turn
submits itself to this discipline
except the mind
which stays under constant restraint
focusing on the pose and the breathing
and then reflecting back on the pose as the body rests
make no mistake!
those ancients of the orient
knew exactly what they were doing
when they developed these poses
they still have a few tricks to teach
us arrogant twenty-first century occidentals...
at the end of the routine
i propel myself backwards into a reverse headstand
squinting as my feet are silhouetted
before an irridescent blue morning sky
golden sunlight laps around the edges of my feet
giving them an unworldly glow
way up above
a white contrail cuts a scar across the sky
meanwhile in the acoustic distance
the traffic tears violently through the serenity
i imagine these intrusions gone
a morning when the pilots fail to show up at the airports
when the commuters all turn off their alarm clocks
and en masse roll over and go back to sleep
or make love
or decide instead to go down to the garden
and unfurl their yoga mats

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

a hot summer's day and sticky black tarmac
feeding ducks in the park and wishing you were far away

corner of old compton street & frith street, soho
sunday 1 am

heat rises from the streets of old soho
tricycle rickshaws jostle for position
an international crowd of drivers brandish pocket a-z's
but they don't seem to be getting much custom
this place is like heathrow airport
a melting pot of cultures, races and languages
gypsy women forage in restaurant bin bags for leftover sarnies
or thrust wilting roses in the faces of late-nite revellers
a sign in a seedy doorway advertises 'models' up on the 1st floor
meanwhile in caffe nero
an eagle-eyed bouncer catches a dodgy customer
shoplifting bars of chocolate while his mate orders a latte
this bruiser's tough but the two blokes are real nasty
they stand their ground and in the end
our man has to be content with just getting rid of em
across the street
twenty years on bar italia is teeming
but there's no sign of jarvis
male couples promenade past the window holding hands
i suddenly look to my left
and notice i'm sitting beside a fella stirring a cappucino
dressed in a bra, skirt, tights n heels
don't get me wrong
i'm all for diversity
but i like my men to be men
and my women to be women
if you know what i mean...
so what am i doing here?
well, after my meal at the black friar
i get a bit carried away
swept up by the allure of london
a city so foreign to brum
that it might as well be a different country
so near and yet so far
i take a stroll with the courting couples
down by the dirty old river
where terry and julie felt safe and sound
a gentle breeze blows making it cooler here
i clock the city skyline
the smooth newly-landed 21st century gherkin
vies for attention
with the baroque extravagance of st pauls
i cross embankment gardens
replete with flowers and the fluted calls of birds
and get caught up in the jostling crowds
around tra-vulgar square n pick-a-dilly circus
as twilight falls
i vainly try to find my way back to marry-the-bone
jumping on all the wrong buses
finally i trot into the station concourse
just in time to watch the last train home pull out of the platform
the bargain hotels of bloomsberry are chock full
so there's nothing for it
but to head for the bars of soho...
the procession goes on
it's all here
the spivs in their blazers n slacks
the hustlers
the hashish sellers
the freaks
the regulars and the tourists
skinny grey-haired caucasian men
escorting muscular tattooed chinese boys
crowds of young women
venturing out in nothing but their nighties
huge muscle-bound black dudes
bursting out of their t-shirts
tubby middle-aged blokes in checked shorts
their beer bellies hanging out
glamorous mediterranean women straight out of la dolce vita
doctors n paramedics in their strange orange jumpsuits
the petty criminals
the well-heeled rubbing shoulders with the destitute
twenty years ago i found all this exciting
now it's just...bizarre...
far away
far from this madding crowd
the chaos and the shennanigans
in a small quiet room
my wife and childe lie peacefully sleeping

SUMMER IN THE CITY

hot town
summer in the city
back of my neck feeling dirty n gritty

the black friar, city of london, saturday 7pm

in the cool dark interior of this narrow wedge-shaped pub
i hide from the fierce sun
above an enormous marble fireplace
a group of friars frolick across a large bas-relief bronze
singing carols and playing instruments
i quaff london pride and chew on a tasty veggie burger
surrounded by carved marble figures of merry dominican monks
take away the bar
and this place could be church
every inch decorated in marble
mosaic
or sculpture
three arches lead into a smaller bar like a side chapel
above the bar hangs the motto:
TOMORROW WILL BE FRIDAY
various other aphorisms are scattered round the place:
INDUSTRY IS ALL
FINERY IS FOOLERY
i am watering here after an exciting day at uk aware
a sustainable living event at the barbican exhibition centre
this event is very different from the other ones i've been to
not a corporate guy in a suit to be seen
just a bunch of like-minded people gathered together
with one thing in common:
they are trying to make a difference
they look at 'business as usual' and its effect on the world
and give it a collective giant two fingers
these businesspeople, ngos and individuals
say 'yes' to the great challenge of our generation
rather than turning away
or waiting for someone else to do it
there's a camaraderie and an enthusiasm here that's infectious
so different from the jaded cynicism that i encounter too often
a few important themes coalesce in my mind:
information alone ain't enough
sure we need a lot more climate literacy
but we need to win over hearts and minds
we need to change the definitions of success and status
(suv owner = loser, cyclist = winner)
we need to make the unsexy sexy
('i've filled the gap' cavity wall insulation stickers?)
we need to take away the hassle and make sustainability fun
(recycling bins that make a gobbling noise
when you put something in them)
we need to be passionate
we need to create n sell our vision of the future
our ecotopia
not just harp on about dystopia
we need to say 'come on, get on board'
we need to drop the pink elephant and stop nagging
we need new words and language
to banish redundant labels like 'environmentalist'
and turn 'environmentalism' (aka making the right decisions)
into a normal and routine way of living
we need to get bolshy
until we get what we want

DAY OFF

the may blossom wilts in the heat of the sun
beating down from its limitless blue sky
worms are grilled on pavements
skin swiftly flushes an angry red
the scorched asphalt melts my rubber tyres
on the way to the library...
i book a car for a week's break during h's half-term hols
the price comparisons are illuminating:
an advance purchase return ticket for the family
from brum to bristol
(about 140 miles)
costs 100 quid
renting a small family car for a whole week
(not including petrol) costs...
100 quid!
but interestingly
buy a new citroen c3 and run it for 3 years
and how much does that set ya back?
well according to which?
factor in depreciation
finance
servicing
fuel
insurance
and road tax
and it comes to a whopping 12200 squid
or about 80 squid a week
the conclusion?
why bother using public transport or buying a car
when you can rent one when you need it
and save all the hassle?...
we head over to king's heath
for lunch at the kitchen garden cafe
i go mediterranean
toasted pitta and mezze
hoummus
olives
sun-dried tomatos
washed down with refreshing citrusy organic blonde ale
the shop sells cheese-free pesto
fair trade organic coffee
vegan soap!
we buy birthday presents for hannah
a pink gardening set
trowel
fork
bucket
plant markers
she'll like that
she loves messing around in the garden
we cross the scruffy high street into poplar road
a french cafe with freshly baked bread
an oriental restaurant called blue ginger
we pick up some face paints for hannah
lots of little boutiquey shops
not too pricey
the shopowners sit out on the street continental-style
soaking up the rays
'manic organic' on the corner
looks like an old converted victorian pub
with a welcoming doorway set into the corner of the building
we duck in here for coffee
donovan's greatest hits are playing
sunshine superman
colours
mellow yellow
jennifer juniper...
sunny sixties music for sunny weather
from the magazine rack i pull out a 'clean slate'
published by cat
where i'm headed next month
to do a course on eco-refurbishment
there on page two is old peter harper
the beaming guru
warding off the coming apocalypse with his beautific smile
peter talked to us in november
about cat's radical zero carbon britain in 20 years proposal
will we do it?
probably not, he said cheerfully
i wonder what pete would think about my little price comparison
i know he'd smile when he heard about it!

IN DISCIPLINE

excellence isn't a skill

it's a habit

i am a disciple
a believer
the question is
who or what am i following?
whoever he or she or it is
they must be disappointed
at this wayward acolyte
so lacking in discipline
but what is this multi-faceted concept?
habit
routine
rules
regulations

boundaries

limits
restraint
rigidity
control
humility
self-sacrifice
preparation
planning
enforcement
reinforcement
order in disorder
sense among nonsense
a framework
a pattern...
and what of its opposite?
indiscipline
freedom
impulse
spontaneity
intuition
flexibility
unreliability
disorder
waywardness
idleness
sloth
rebellion...
discipline should be liberating
not stifling
like a martial art
transendental
like yoga
yet to achieve that
it must be in equilibrium with its opposite
the yin and its yang
like being a parent
absolute freedom spoils the child
but so does absolute authoritariansim
which leaves freedom within limits
(sounds like a good title for a parenting book)
knowing when to say yes
and when to say no
walking a narrow tightrope on the highwire
always in danger of losing balance
and falling to one side or the other
too much yin and not enough yang
too many rules
not enough freedom
too much spontaneity
not enough planning
and we topple off the wire...
it seems to me
the art of living is searching for and finding that equilibrium
that magical combination of discipline and indiscipline
control and freedom
but how does that combination work?
does the discipline need to come first
to allow the indiscipline to be constructive?
for example a musician needs discipline
to play his instrument
to know how to pluck the string of a guitar with one hand
how to fret it with the other
he learns to tune the instrument
to play single notes
scales
chords
picking patterns
strumming rhythms
can all this be done by intuition?
doesn't one need to learn the rules before breaking them?
didn't jimi n django n eddie van halen do their time
practising their scales
until their fingers could tear up and down the fretboard
like greased lightening?
i dunno...
feel like i'm losing the battle with discipline at the moment
feel like indiscipline is getting the upper hand
fireseed struggling to keep the balancing act going
fighting to keep all the dishes airborne
breaking quite a few on the floor in fact...
the discipline of rising and sleeping
yoga and meditation
eating and drinking
body and mind
work and leisure
writing and music
accident and design
parent and husband
son and brother
others and self
the me-time
the he-time n the she-time

acting and resting

behaving and misbehaving...
but i'm trying
i got my five-year plan
just like mao
i got my twelve-month goal
my short-term objectives for the next month
my activities planned for the week
hey - this little lot takes up two sides of a4!
i update it every day or two
some of it gets done
some of it remains undone
cos i veer off at a tangent
or something comes along to upset the applecart
to redefine the priorities
i am a disciple
a follower and a leader
a hider and a seeker
a winner and a loser
a tightrope-walker
a talker
a stalker
a hedonist
an ascetic
a plodder
and yer favourite blogger...

FIRESEED $PEAKS OUT

oh i don't wish to bore ya
with my late-nite ranting
but though i may be reincarnated as a cockroach
i must $peak out...
'the best democracy money can buy'
that was how greg pilaster described our political system
'a state-corporate-fourth estate pact with the devil'
might be another way of putting it
i'm not ashamed to tell ya
and no doubt you won't be exactly surprised
i voted green party in these local elections
along with 197 other foolhardy souls
in my local constituency
198 people who chose to vote for something
instead of against something
unfortunately across most of the city
and indeed the country as a whole
us greens were completely outvoted by the tories
and even the wretched bananaparty...
i mean come on!
in this deprived city
reeling from unemployment
staggering from underinvestment
the populace is so disillusioned with politics in general
and new labour in particular
that most of em can barely be bothered
to turn up at the races
and those that do
think voting tory or banana party is gonna help em
chomsky said that if the left means anything
it means it's concerned for the needs, welfare and rights
of the general population
now i already told you about new labour's pact with the devil
oh it's easy to despair
when you imagine the impact on the poor
of dropping the 10% tax rate
but do these clueless ninnies think for one moment
that by voting for a gang of priveleged
oxbridge-educated public schoolboys
or a bunch of bigoted xenophobes
they are going to remedy society's ills one iota?
one thing is for sure in this country
we get the kind of democra$y we deserve

SKUNK

in yesterday's observer snoozepaper
there's a piece about reclassifying ye olde can o' bliss
from class b to a
or is it a to b
or even b to c?
whatever
those letters are so damn unmemorable
anyway
the long and the short of it is
gordon the moron might just have found
something he doesn't need to dither over
an issue he can show his leadership on
it appears our great leader
intends to fly in the face of recommendations
produced by the advisory body he commissioned
in order to show those drug-dealing meanies who's boss
gordon upping the anti against the evil weed
and placating the middle england ninnies
who are baying for a 'tough stance on drugs'
talk about limiting the debate
talk about an utter distraction from the main event
as if gordon's tinkering will make a blind bit of difference
for years britain has maintained a policy of prohibition on cannabis
while simultaneously making that completely harmless drug alcohol
freely available to all adults
the result of this policy?
cannabis driven underground
an uncontrolled trade plied by criminal gangs
an unpredicatable and wildly fluctuating standard of product for users
including stuff adulterated with boot polish
and all sorts of other nasties
a loss of tax revenue of billions of pounds...
in these circumstances
one has to ask why gordon and his fellow morons
are so keen to restrict the debate
to irrelevant tinkering in the margins
does cannabis use cause psychotic illness?
well hard to separate the facts from the hysteria
from what i've seen of the effects of alcohol on certain people
its use doesn't exactly promote positive mental health
what's driving people to use drugs in the first place?
could it be that everyday life in 21st-c britain
is so meaningless and alienating
that many feel the need to use cannabis simply to escape?
or is it something more sinister?
something to do with control?
could it be that cannabis isn't the thought-limiting drug
our political masters want us, the stupified masses
to consume?
perhaps they're afraid
afraid that one or two mind-expanding mental voyages
into uncharted territory
might have a little too much of a liberating effect
on the minds of the malleable drones
perhaps they're fearful
fearful that the downtrodden
the disenfranchised
the dispossessed
might reject their role in society
expect more
and demand more

BLUEBELLS

fireseed stiff and saddlesore
today been sampling a bit of real england
biking through the showers
up every hill and down every dale
using all my twenty-one gears
over frankley beeches
into woostershire
under the violent rush of the m5
and steadily on westwards to clent
during one downpour
i stop at the sun in romsley
to sup a delicious pint of hook norton ale
from the small oxfordshire brewery
and chow down a plate of vegetable jambalaya
by the time i get to nimmings wood
the rain has abated
and i come across a beautiful valley
leading into the woods
completely carpeted in bluebells


bluebell woods


the four stones and abberley hills


this little fellow was jumping and skipping for joy
with his little friends in the field
now who would have the heart
to slaughter and eat him?

PIECES IN THE JIGSAW

a beautiful may day
trees of pink blossom swaying in the breeze
spring flowers blooming
good to be alive...
today a rare family get-together takes place
round at john n sheila's
to celebrate their fiftieth annie-versary
married since 1958
cor blimey guvnor!
back in the days when everything was black n white
and rationed
back when nobody knew what a hoody was
and certainly never entertained the thought of hugging one
'happy families are all alike
unhappy families are all unhappy in their own way'
so remarked trotsky
at the beginning of anna karenina
as for the wattons-olivers
we are a family less unhappy than unacquainted
as kids me n my little bro
didn't see a great deal of mum's rellies, the olivers
as they lived across the city
and my parents have never been great socialisers
since then
i've lived away from brum for 20 odd years
and our kid feels uncomfortable at such gatherings
steadfastly avoiding them over the years
so it's always been a struggle for us
to remember everybody's name
let alone what they do
their family relationship
or anything significant or memorable about them
now i'm finally getting to see them a bit more often
it's a case of slowly starting to piece together the jigsaw puzzle
for instance
i knew that grandad oliver and his partner mr price
started a builder's merchants back in the thirties
price and oliver (p & o)
which mum bought out of some time ago
leaving us 'disinherited'
i knew that uncle john (oliver) inherited the business
and morphed it into a architectural ironmonger's
which i always thought sounded a bit dull
what i didn't know is that the firm supplies bespoke items
to architects working on prestige projects
like restorations of posh country piles like compton verney
or doorknockers for the posh london flats of movie stars...
vos, husband of my cousin jane's
(very nice bloke)
lives in bromsgrove and commutes 100 miles every day
in his company car
that's 25000 miles per year
the circumference of the earth...
anyway john n sheila are gracious hosts
accommodating twenty or so people in their bungalow
and taking the catering in their stride
'don't listen to what politicians say' john tells me
'watch what they do'
we sit outside in the sun sipping wine
and playing 'hide the teddy' with the woodle
ah - that things could be so laidback
in the watton household!

I CAN DO

i'm at a bash
for one of the friends of the erf crowd
bound for pastures new
fresh from a ride along the canal
i sit gently steaming in the salubrious surroundings
of the ikon cafe
a swish european-style place
housed inside the neo-gothic brick splendour
of a converted art gallery:
high ceilings
trendy decor
an arty-looking crowd
blokes in berets
that sort of thing....
when everyone else shows up
the two vegans amongst the party
seat ouselves next to each other
and swap stories of animal-free exploits
the phrase 'vegan spanish' food
would place high on my list of oxymorons
but tonight there is plenty of chow
for us lettuce nibblers:
vegan paella with mushrooms n chick peas
spicy patatas bravas
wild mushrooms
tasty olives
arty choke salad
white asparagus
sweet pickled chillis curled up like prawns
green beans and caramelised onions
all washed down with plenty of free-flowing red
i'm sat opposite dawn n dave
dave is a playwright
he hands me a business card made of transparent plastic
ha! a fellow denizen of born-vile
we talk about blogging
that strange pursuit of sharing one's innermost thoughts
on a daily basis
with large numbers of complete strangers
or at least an unknown, unseen audience
a readership that exerts a definite influence
on the content of the posts
imparting a discipline
that ensures you stay on your mettle
and don't just serve up any old tripe...
like your typical spanish restaurant
ha! ha! ha!
karen says she's had writer's block since she was 21
i mention some of the ideas that have served me well
the "me-time" of the weekly artist's date
and the morning/moaning pages
those twin channels
of data coming in
and data coming out...
the bill comes
and it's a whopping five hundred squid
perhaps i can do the washing-up!
(get it?)

ELEVATOR PITCH

[july 17, 2008]
the man behind green benefits is on a high
after the successful launch of his sustainable living consultancy
last night at the warehouse in digbeth
attended by over fifty people
founder dave watton explains how it works
*explain your business to my mum
i offer advice to individuals, businesses and organisations
on how they can live and work more sustainably
and save money at the same time
i look at things like home energy
the food we eat
the goods and services we buy
and how we get around
i also give talks and workshops to schools and groups
basically i'm trying to enable people to live and work more sustainably
and at the same time show them how they can actually thrive
in response to the huge challenges we currently face:
climate change and diminishing resources
*how do you make money?
i offer a range of 'pay-as-you-go' services
depending on the client's priorities
for example i can just look at the savings people can make
in their home energy use
or also focus on areas like transport or holidays
if that's what the particular client wants
i also promote the products and services of selected green companies
whom i endorse on my website: greenbenefits.co.uk
*what's your background?
i studied architecture and then worked in education for fifteen years
more recently i've trained as a code for sustainable homes assessor
and worked hard to build up my skills and know-how
through attending various courses, workshops and events
*how much business have you had so far and what's your target within 12 months?
so far i've advised a birmingham-based charity
on how it can reduce the energy consumption of its offices
and i've led several workshops at a local secondary school
where the kids made pledges to take positive action on climate change
i'm aiming to build business up steadily
to the point where i'm having to turn clients away!
*what's your biggest challenge?
probably achieving a critical mass of business
so that people start contacting me through word-of-mouth recommendation
in the end it's all about my customers
without them i'm nothing
*name your closest competitors
well there's an amazing chap down in buckinghamshire called dave hampton
who bills himself as 'the carbon coach'
he advises people on reducing their carbon emissions
but i see dave as an inspirational friend and ally
rather than as a competitor
*what's your top green tip?
wherever possible
consider climate-friendly alternatives to flying
as it can easily outweigh all your other emissions put together
for example instead of flying to rome for a holiday
and wasting valuable time waiting in departure lounges
or standing in long queues
you could take advantage of the new high-speed eurostar connection
and travel on the overnight sleeper
treating yourself to beautiful tuscan scenery
now what a romantic and thrilling way to travel!
*where do you want the business to be in five years' time?
i want green benefits to become the affordable service provider of choice
to individuals and organisations in the area
seeking advice on both lowering their carbon footprint
and saving money

green benefits
eco-advice & education that helps you thrive