HELMUT-PETER THUNY

i've only just met them
and i'm already bragging
and feeling well pleased with myself
we are on a diminutive passenger plane
flying westwards
somewhere over the timor sea
we compare the price of our tickets
as good travellers do
the ash blond canadian fellow paid $250
billy the speedway rider from dorset forked out $300
whereas i picked up a real bargain
for just fifty bucks...
rewind 24 hours
at the hostel in sweaty darwin
i spot a message on the notice board
air ticket to kupang - $50
i track down the owner
an amiable swiss bloke by the name of helmut-peter thuny
who has decided not to make the trip to indonesia after all
it's only when i get to darwin airport that i spot the problem
different names on the passport and ticket
oops!
i'm sweating it as i go through passport control
they are bound to notice
there goes my dosh
and i could be in big trouble
but the airline lady only checks my ticket
and the immigration chap only looks at my passport
and i'm through to the departure lounge
a sign of how times have changed
dontcha think?
now we're touching down in west timor
my first taste of asia
we emerge into the searing heat
i shade my head under my akubra
as we walk down the steps
cross the hot tarmac
and enter the arrivals lounge
the passengers queue behind a yellow line
and are beckoned forward one by one
by the moustachioed immigration guys
suharto's men
dressed in beige uniforms
guns in holsters
these fellas are checking both passports and tickets
christ - i hadn't thought of this!
now i'm not feeling so clever
one guy catches my eye
a hawk-nosed eagle-eyed fellow supervising one of the desks
he eyes passengers with suspicion
visions of festering in a filthy jail spring to mind
then to my horror i am called forward to his desk
there is nowhere to hide
i drag myself forward
just then hawkeye is called over to another desk
i hand my documents to the nervous-looking soldier
the one hawkeye has been supervising
he looks myopically from passport to ticket
from ticket to passport
writes something down
then returns the documents
and waves me through
i almost stagger in disbelief
rejoining billy from dorset at the money counter
i excitedly start to explain
just then
a wave of fear ripples through me
'will david andrew watton please report to the desk
david andrew watton...'
the words echo round the terminal
i turn to see hooknose at the microphone
'come on' i say to billy
'let's get out of here'
somehow we find ourselves outside
and manage to hail a taxi to take us into kupang
the capital of west timor
after a couple of minutes
we pass a fleet of police with sirens wailing
heading in the opposite direction
have they come to intercept a suspected terrorist
travelling under the alias of helmut-peter thuny?
at the guest house in kupang
my heart sinks
we are asked to fill out police registration forms
not knowing what to do
i fill out my card using a new alias
johnny marr from manchester
that night and several others
before we cross into east timor
i lie awake awaiting the police raid
hooknose/hawkeye weilding his gun
screaming at me in bahasa
but my nemesis never comes
as for billy pinder and i
well
plenty of new adventures await...